Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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