3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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