great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
