Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize