i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
