White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's Friday. Sex?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
