nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
