i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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