I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
