There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
