and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
