Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
