Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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