At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
