i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
