Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
