I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
