I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
