I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
