Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
