Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
