My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
