booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
