then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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