When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
