I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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