ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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