Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
