You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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