She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
