I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
