Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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