It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
