Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
