Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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