the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
