At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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