They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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