Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wish there were birth control emojis
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
