speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
