Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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