I feel great
I just peed on a car
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
