I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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