they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize