soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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