I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
