you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
