She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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