69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
