I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
