...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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