just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
