She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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