That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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