Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
