Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His nipple licking is glorious
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