The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
