a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize