He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
