I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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