You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
