No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
