I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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