whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
