she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
