Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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