I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
