That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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