I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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