I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
