so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
