The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
