Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
