just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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