After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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