No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
