is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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